4th of july

i had traveled by train to the deep south on the 4th of july weekend to see my nieces. i wasn't really looking forward to it because of all of the cultural differences between me and that branch of my family, but i hadn't seen the girls for ages and i didn't know when i would be free again so i bit the bullet and sent word that i would come. i took the train as a way to eat up a big chunk of the three day weekend. i figured it would be a nice experience and minimize my exposure to the inevitable jesus references and the pervasive core belief system built around the color of the human dermal layer. as the train pulled into the station i spotted my nieces sitting unaccompanied outside of a fast food stand. the girls watched the train cars pass but instead of excitement or anticipation, their faces held only angry, flat teenage 'boredom'. it was the worst possible sight. i had been hopeful that at least i could enjoy their last bits of shining childhood and insulate myself somewhat from the experience of the rest of the family. i knew now that i was facing two days of indifference from a pair of newly sprouted redneck teens sporting first year breasts, daisy dukes, flip flops and a palpable longing to only hang with members of their dim-witted peer group. as the train stopped i sighed audibly. there would be nothing for me here but jaw clenching, tongue biting and watching the time crawl by until i could leave. i was painfully sorry i had come and mad at myself for wasting my days off. i waited until the last person left the car before i stood and grabbed my bag. when i finally stepped onto the platform the two girls looked at me with about as much enthusiasm as someone about to tar your roof on a hundred degree day.  i walked up to where they sat and put my bag on the hot ground. 'hey.' they said with just the faintest hint of contempt. i slid onto the cement seat at the tall cafe table where they were planted, 'hey.', i said back. they made fleeting eye contact but were mainly interested in scanning the perimeters of the station for any other teens. 'where are your parents?' i asked finally. 'they said wait.' one of them answered. i started going over alternate scenarios in my head- the first of which was just not having gotten off the goddamned train when i'd read their faces. 'do me a favor,' i said as i dropped a 20 on the table, 'order us something and watch my bag while i go find a ladies room.' i slid off the stool and walked away. i didn't care where my feet led me. i pulled out my phone to connect with someone who could help me pull myself together, but when i went to dial i did not have even one bar. i wandered like a lost disciple in the desert with my arm held up like an antenna watching desperately for the slightest hint of a signal but it was useless. i looked at my phone and felt pure hatred and betrayal. i briefly contemplated smashing it into the pavement and watching it break into a thousand gratifying pieces, but like every other previous bar-less betrayal i'd endured with my little electronic master, i swallowed my anger and slipped it back into my pocket unharmed.

when i returned to the table the girls were slurping dry their icy cokes and just finishing the last bits of the two burgers they had ordered for themselves. with stuffed mouths they silently shoved the greasy left over bits of their burgers into my hand. almost immediately a scraggly gang of young and hungry starlings landed on the table and asked emphatically to be fed. i tore up the pieces in my hand and let them gobble it all up. as i wiped my hand with a wad of paper napkins a porter walked a tagged bicycle over to a skinny, angry new york teen and a plump dark haired woman who was obviously a local. the woman reached for the bike but the teen grabbed it before she got a grip and immediately threw a leg over the seat and started pumping the pedals fast and hard. as she sped away she screamed back over her shoulder, 'fuck you, mom! i only like black people!'

i looked at my nieces and wished i could switch them with the new york kid.