stars

she was so angry. her degree had put her in a giant financial hole and now her boss had increased her hours (without pay) and handed her a piece of paper with the address and telephone number of the welfare office in response to her request for a living wage. i walked with her to the bus stop and waited with her until it came. as i walked back to my own office, i began to feel waves of sadness. by the time i sat down on the couch near my desk, i was an absolute wreck and could only lean forward holding my face in my hands. lili's sadness and frustration had turned a key inside of me and all of the lonely parts of the changes i'd made in my own life in the previous months were starting to kick me around in the surf. i didn't even realize giant john had walked into my office until he put a gentle, concerned hand on my shoulder. the simple compassion of the gesture opened a floodgate and soon i was hiccuping tears. giant john's face turned to panic. he began to pat my shoulder as though he'd broken me and mumbled out disjointed instructions for me to 'stay put' while he got help. his care and confusion seemed so sincere and adorable, it only made me cry harder. by the time hugh arrived i was curled up in a fetal position with my head resting in a puddle of my own tears. hugh walked in, pulled me into a sitting position, moved as many of my soaking wet hair strands from my eyes as he could before squeezing a motorcycle helmet on my wobbly head. he threw an arm around my shoulder, walked me to his bike where big jon picked me up and plopped me as carefully as he could behind hugh. 'you hold on now' instructed big john. i nodded weakly that i would. hugh slapped my leg as he revved the motor and kicked up the stand. 'don't worry, girl, nothing bad is happening and everything is really, really good. we're gonna ride until you feel better, okay? i wiped my nose with my sleeve before i slipped my arms around hugh. he took off with so much intensity, i stopped crying and concentrated on keeping my seat in the saddle and hanging onto hugh. soon, the only thing i was thinking about was how many stars of light were resting on the surface of the water and how nice it felt to be tucked in with the wind rushing in my face as we headed north on PCH.